Finding Neverland and Church Politics (part2)

I watched the film Finding Neverland last night with my sister and our friend Bea. It was nice! It's about the life of JM Barrie...it's a tearjerker, but you'd surely like the film. The special effects were good. I won't tell much about the story...I might spoil it for you. If you love Peter Pan, you have to watch this film.

I wrote something a few weeks ago..to release my feelings about what happened to me in Church. I received a response from our Church (my parents wrote a letter) and I hope this is the ending I've been looking for. Anyway, I want to put what I wrote here. Sayang naman kung walang makakabasa..hehe..

Everything started during the Holy Week. Holy Monday, I arrived in church around 8pm. I came straight from school and had not eaten dinner. I skipped passing by home (to eat dinner) just to receive a tongue-lashing (in church). A tongue-lashing, because I did my job. The elders in church told me to keep quiet. I myself wanted to keep quiet because I got scared. But to my surprise, on that same fateful night (forever etched in my memory), news already broke out of what happened. At first, I wanted to keep quiet but my heart felt so heavy I just spilled out everything to my dad and I cried. That was the first time I came home from church crying.

The next night, I had another practice in church. By then, I knew that news had spread because my co-LAC (Lectors and Commentators) questioned me. I told them I kept quiet because that was the order I received. So I told my story to them...and they told me (Ate Sol and Kuya Jonjon) that I should have said something right away. To tell you the truth, I did not reply or answer back when I received the tongue-lashing because there were a lot of old people and I didn't want to be labeled as a rude teenager and I did not want to say anything drastic nor preempt things.

Wednesday night: another practice with the choir. The Choirmaster (who lashed his tongue at me) arrived and started to say things directed to me. I just kept my composure and told myself that I would sing the best that I could.

Washing of the feet, Easter Vigil, and Easter Sunday were the days when I had to sing the responsorial psalm. I dreaded seeing the choirmaster, but I knew I had to face him. I just told myself that I had to sing beautifully: for God, for the priest, for the churchgoers, for the LAC, for myself, and to prove to choirmaster that he cannot break me. I am glad to say that everything went fine. I was able to sing without any hitch.

When the First Tuesday of Easter arrived, my parents gave a letter addressed to our parish priest. This letter reached the people it concerned right away. I found that out because I was accosted when I served during the 6pm Sunday Mass. I guess the choir coordinator got the shock of her life. She told me "paprangkahin kita". She was asking why the letter was directed to our parish priest. She thought that everything was okay "between the four of them". Who the four are, is anybody's guess. I am not part of that four. Basically, the issue here is the lack of coordination between the LAC and the Church Choir. I have nothing to do with that issue because I am not the LAC coordinator. But I got caught in the middle of the issue because I got the ire (which should not have been directed to me) of the choirmaster and the choir coordinator.

Maybe age is a factor here. You see, I am the youngest active member of LAC. Maybe they think that they can push and shove me because they know that they are much older (decades older) so I wouldn't dare fight back in front of their faces. To tell you the truth, I wouldn't fight back unless it is done in the proper venue. I hate the fact that these people just accost me when they see me in church. It has become disheartening for me. Can you imagine that I got accosted right before the start of a mass? Really distracting...

There have been times when I just want to stop serving. But I am not walking away this time. This is not a valid reason for me to stop serving God.

Why do I say that I am not walking away this time? Five years ago, when I was still 14, I got involved in a controversy. Our then parish priest, Fr. Doods Coroza, got mad at my elders (I was part of the choir that time). I was absent for two sundays and so he scolded them for tiring me (senakulo rehearsals, juat like my present problem, it was around the Lenten season). In his words, "dati, ang aga-aga andito na si Marian. Ngayon, di na nagse-serve kasi pinapagod niyo". A lot of other issues ensued and so I left. For three years, I did not serve in our parish because of that. But this time around, I am not walking away. I am five years older; I have to face this head-on. Of course, my parents and my sister are by my side. They have to guide me, especially since this is my first time to fight back. Speaking of parents, that's another thing.

When I serve in our main church, my parents usually do not accompany me (they hear mass in our village chapel). Sometimes, I think that's another reason why the feel so comfortable in accosting me; because they know my parents are not around. But what if they are? Would they do the same thing to me?

I believe that my faith is being tested here. But I will hold on; I will not allow my spirit to break. For my friend Paolo Sanchez, these petty problems shouldn't get in the way of my faith and that it's a matter of knowing who my master is and for me, it is God. Chris Lao says that I am a strong person. If one person thinks that I am, then I must be. He probably sees something in me that other people don't.

If there's a silver lining in all that has happened to me, it's the fact that I was able to do my best during the Holy Week. Palm Sunday of 2005, I was assigned to be the narrator (gospel) for the 8am mass. I found out later that people were asking who the narrator was and that a churchgoer got moved to the point that he/she cried. Also, Ligaya Garcia, an elderly who always points out our mistakes, had nothing bad to say during Palm Sunday; she was all praises for the LAC and that she especially mentioned me.

After the Holy Thursday mass (washing of the feet), I got the thumbs-up from my co-LAC; my friends from the charismatic group told me that it was as if they were watching me in concert. Ligaya Garcia asked me if I would be doing all of the psalms and I answered yes and she smiled at me. I interpret her smile as something good.

After the Easter Vigil, I received a "very good" from our parish priest. This surely lit a smile on my face.

Easter Sunday, I was not exactly in the best mood for I was told to sit in a place I did not want to sit in. My wounds were still fresh but since it was Easter Sunday, I had to be happy. I gave the psalm my best shot.

Currently, I am developing a fear. I am afraid of singing the psalm again...but I should not be. As of now, I still do not feel comfortable in dealing with the choir. I will probably sing for the bishop and on special occasions, but not on regular Sunday masses.

Why does our parish have to be super politicized?

Today, I received the reply of our parish priest, as noted by the Executive Committee Chairperson and the Worship Committee Coordinator. I have just been labeled "vindictive" (a label I do not think I deserve; so much for fighting for my right..the right to be respected and be treated properly. In addition to that, my parents wrote the letter because they became concerned. Why would I go home from church crying?)) but they did acknowledge the fact that the choirmaster overreacted and had no right in lashing his tongue at me.

I am hoping that this issue will end. My parents and my sister are not exactly satisfied with what is written in the letter for I have just been labeled vindictive. I told my sister that I do not care anymore what they call me. As far as I am concerned, I will continue serving in church.

Sorry for the long post...I just wanted to let everything..as in EVERYTHING...out.