May license na ako!

Yehey! May license na ako! Finally! ayan, I'm happy! To make life easier, nagpa-assist na lang ako sa driving school ko (para hindi ako mahirapan sa loob ng LTO).

Nakakapagod siya, pero it was worth it.

Natutuwa din ako dahil napuno ng ALYANSA ang PH 400 last Tuesday! But then, our speaker was Prof. Randy David, baka reason din yun. He's a good speaker; he really makes the audience listen.

Pero back to academic stuff muna. I have to think of a topic for my research proposal. Any suggestions?

SIKAT!

SIKAT! Yan ang pangalan ng org ko. Natutuwa ako kasi dumadami na ang gigs namin. Imagine, We performed twice in yesterday's Dept. Of History Freshie Orientation and Career Talk. Plus, we have an upcoming dorm tour (all Tuesdays of July). Plus, we'll be part of the CSSP Freshie Concert (which will have a LIVE BROADCAST on Wazzup! Wazzup!). Nakakatuwa!

Kailangan ko na talaga maging studious. May recitation kami sa Monday. Well, at least nag-announce yung prof namin.

My PS 193 class watched "The Age Of Innocence" last Wednesday. It was an Oscar nominee in 1993 (unfortunately, it lost to The Piano and Schindler's List). Medyo boring and dragging (kasi malalim yung theme. Victorian Era pa). Pero winner ang acting ni Daniel Day Lewis. Maiinis ka talaga sa kanya. Kasama din dito si Winona Ryder. May classmate ako na tuwing eksena ni Winona, humihirit ng "shoplifter".

Ayan, kakaiba ang post ko ngayon. Pinaghalong English and Filipino. Inaantok pa kasi ako (bagong gising).

Oy Drew! I-kwento mo naman nangyari sa date mo! Bagong lovelife na ba ito?

Fear? Paranoia? Kamia Incident Part 2

Today, I attended my Psych140, Polsci 199 and Polsci 193 classes. I missed those classes last Thursday because I was quite busy with the CSSP Freshie Orientation.

My Polsci 193 class will be taught by two professors. This afternoon, we discussed the house rules for 193. One of the rules was if you know that you may endanger your classmates physically, then don't come to class. This rule is directed particularly to fratmen. But it triggered something in me. I guess I'm still pretty paranoid even if I am done with my court appearances.

Since I had to submit an excuse letter (for being absent last June 9) and a photo, I met my prof after class. Then, for some reason, I told him about the Kamia Incident and how I am involved in it. I told him that it had something to do with the "physically hurting your classmates" rule. I have this really weird idea that Richard Ong (the defendant in the criminal case) will appear or stay outside my room.

Nung ako’y tumetestigo sa korte, hindi ko siya tinitignan. Dahil alam na niya ngayon ang itsura ko, pakiramdam ko pwede niya ako i-stalk. Minsan, nakita ko siya sa AS. Anong ginawa ko? Tumakbo papuntang council office at nagtago. Hindi ko alam kung bakit. Hindi ko naman siya dapat katakutan. Pero paranoid pa rin yata ako. Aaminin ko, matindi ang trauma ko. Pero, bakit ganun?

Meron din akong takot na baka isang araw, lalapitan niya ako, o di kaya ng pamilya niya, at mag-o-offer sila na bayaran na lang ako wag lang magsalita sa korte. Pero buti na lang at tapos na nga ako sa aking court appearances.

My prof then told me that my idea is a bit far-fetched, a bit remote, but nevertheless possible. I told my prof that I don't think Richard Ong would hurt me physically but if I do see him outside our classroom, I would most likely not get out of the room.

OK, ok. I admit, I still get or maybe I still am paranoid. Sabi ng prof ko, kitang-kita sa mukha ko ang takot at paranoia nung nag-uusap kami. Dagdag pa niya, hindi ko dapat katakutan ang lalaking yun dahil marami na siyang problema. Kung makikita niyang takot ako, baka i-take advantage niya yun. But if we do bump into each other, we'd probably stare at each other (another scenario I don't want to happen).

My prof and I had a pretty long chat. It did me good though. He clarified some things for me. I have never thought of them. Like, it seems that I look at Richard Ong as a very evil man because of what happened; because he is partly responsible for the trauma inflicted on me and on other people as well. I must keep in mind that his case is homicide and not murder. The Kamia Incident is an accident, and not something he did deliberately. A lot of people drink but that does not make them evil. Malas lang talaga at naisipan niyang mag-drive habang lasing siya. I should not be paranoid because it magnifies the fears that I have. In addition to that, he told me that I should speak up more about this experience. Harboring it inside is being an introvert and is much more dangerous/harmful to myself.

Everything about the Kamia Incident is still an open book for me because the case is still ongoing. Up until now, I’ve had doubts about whether or not to go to law school. But what my prof told me removed all doubts. He told me that perhaps going to law school would be a good healing process since I have gone to court several times.

Ok, I am now changing the topic .

Para sa ibang tao:

Akala mo ba nakakatuwa ang ginagawa mo? Excuuuse me...grabe ka na nga makasakit ng damdamin eh. Sinungaling ka! Malas mo lang at nakakalimutan mo ang mga inimbento mong kwento, kaya hindi ka consistent. Ayan tuloy, huling-huli kita. Tandaan mo, it takes two to tango. Kung akala mo effective yang style mo sa akin, sinasabi ko sa iyo HINDI. Iniisip mo pa lang, nagawa ko na. Chikadora nga ako, pero alam ko ang difference ng mga bagay na pwedeng i-chika at hindi pwedeng i-chika. Kaya kung wala kang mas mabuting gawain, wag mo na akong kausapin at distorbohin.

Kamia Incident

I wrote this article almost 2 years ago, and it has been revised several times already. I decided to put it here because I am done with my court appearances.

CLOSURE

I thought I already had closure. But the sight of my classmate, crying because she witnessed a crime reminded me so much of my own experience. It’s been over two years since it happened, the so-called Kamia Incident. The difference of only a few seconds changed the lives of so many people, including mine.
I was not hurt physically, but I was traumatized by what I saw. A speeding car, hitting the pavement then flying into the air before coming to a stop, lying on its side. Along the way, that cursed BMW hit several students, resulting to the death of one, Precious Zignet Baldo.
It took quite some time before the realization of what I saw and its implications dawned on me. I could not sleep. I kept on dreaming that the car also hit me, and that scene still keeps on playing in my mind.
To this day, I consider myself lucky because I was spared; I was not hit. But I am unlucky because I doubt if my emotional scars will ever heal. To tell you the truth, I get scared whenever I hear a tire screeching, because that is what I heard before the victims got hit.
Recovery is hard; recovery is tough. I always thought that I had already gotten over the incident. But I now see that I have not. You can’t help the fact that at times, the incident plays in your mind. Added to that, there are instances when you are reminded of it. People around you make you relive what happened when they ask for your story. But I am most especially reminded of the incident when I see that drunk driver walking freely around this campus. Criminals do come back to the scene of their crime. This drunk driver does so and walks as if it was not his fault that the old yellow steel triangular gate (it has been replaced now) in front of Kamia no longer stands.
Only a matter of a few seconds spelled the difference between life and death. Sadly, it spelled death for one. I hope that we do not forget what happened on February 18, 2003 and February 22, 2003. A last reminder, PLEASE DON’T DRINK AND DRIVE. Life is too precious.

Now, here's the continuation of my story. I was called to testify last May (mentioned in one of my previous posts); that was my direct examination. Last June 8, 2005, I had my cross-examination, with a continuation of my direct examination.

I have a cousin who is a lawyer and he advised me that for the cross-examination, I should not answer right away because Atty. Te (the lawyer for the Baldo family) might object. I took his advise. So what I did was to look at Atty. Te before answering and Atty. Te would give me encouraging looks if it was OK for me to answer the question.

My direct examination went well. I can also say that my cross-examination went well. What I don't like about my cross-examination is that I felt that I was being attacked psychologically by the lawyer of the respondent. Of course, the purpose of the cross-examination is to find loopholes in what I said during the direct examination. I just hate the fact that I felt so helpless during my cross-examination. The other lawyer (not Atty. Te) posed some very confusing questions; it was so confusing to the point that I thought my direct examination testimony was of no use. There were some questions that made me wonder what its relevance was to the case. I wanted to cry while sitting in court. Whenever Atty. Te and the other lawyer would argue, I would hold my Our Lady of Guadalupe necklace and ask God to give me the strength to stop my tears. Really, I felt so bad and helpless. My cross-examination was waayyy much longer than my direct examination.

When questioning is going on, the judge has all the right to butt in and ask her own questions. I am happy that the judge in this particular case was very encouraging during my cross-examination. In a way, she calmed me. I guess she figured out that I was already feeling helpless and nervous. Oh yes, I was very nervous, fully knowing that what I say can make or break the case. Even if I was only sitting down, the cross-examination was tiring because of the emotional and psychological stress.

If there was one thing that took away the stress, it's the unexplainable, undescribable feeling I got when the Baldo Family shook my hand and said "thank you".

I doubt if I will ever have closure. But I do hope that this case will be finished before the year ends.

4th year na ako!!

I still can't believe it. I am now officially a senior, soon to graduate. Gosh, I feel old. I had my fastest registration ever for I was able to get all my subjects via CRS so basically, I only needed to have my Form5 signed by the adviser, pay the student fund and have my form assessed, then pay my tuition fee.Voila! by 9:30am I was officially enrolled.

Remember I mentioned in one of my earlier posts that If I see Paolo Sanchez, I'll see Chris Lao too? Well, that happened again yesterday. I saw Chris Lao and we greeted each other. A little later, I saw Paolo Sanchez so I greeted him too. Hmmm...I wonder what's with them? Maybe, just maybe.....secret!

So here I am, enjoying the last few days of my vacation. Starting June 7, it will be back to school; back to my typical routine of studying, performing, and practicing campus politics.

I got sick after 2 days of shooting. I got really sick, and it turns out I have UTI. But now, my mom suspects another infection; an ear infection. The good thing is, I got sick during vacation so I didn't miss any school days.

I can't wait for June 9 because that's when our video presentation will be shown to the freshies. I will perform onstage (LIVE) too! I am sooo excited!